Saturday, September 18, 2010


I think I have problems, but I don't.  Not really.  I get frustrated with my job, but I think I'd get frustrated if I had morphed into a stay at home mom after the birth of V.  I get frustrated about not having as much time to exercise or do yoga, but I am capable of making time at least a few days a week.  And seriously, those are my most pressing issues.  Other problems (The house is so so dirty! I'm so sleepy! Baby's bedtime routine cuts into possible fun evening nights out!)...  These are temporary and really not that big of a deal in the long run.

I'm really lucky actually.  I've got a beautiful family.  My husband and I fit together so well, and V is just a new extension of that amazing dynamic we have.  We don't have to stress about bills or affording good food.  We have no worries about the current mortgage crisis because we rent.  I might not have my neat little four pack abs anymore, but I'm back in the pre-pregnancy clothes and I'm pretty damn healthy, in my opinion.  

The hard times - when it seems like I really do have huge, enormous problems are at work, when it's a bad day (high school students really can be assholes sometimes), and I just think about my baby's face and I get that tightened throat feeling and the tears start to prick my eyes...  I remind myself that I CHOSE this, this working mom thing, because we did discuss it, the possibility of me staying home.  Before she was born, it seemed so logical - we like to live a certain way, and money helps with that.  Jumping back into the workforce after a few years would be hard.  There are only so many choral music positions available in our area, and I've got a pretty posh set up.  Now that I'm doing it, I miss my baby all day.  I never thought it would be so hard.

But then again, perspective.  I've had two students tell me what's going on their lives this week.  Deaths, family members who are alcoholics and addicts, and absent parents that have left them feeling abandoned...  I don't have it so bad.  My baby will be just fine in the arms of a loving daycare worker that she knows and trusts.  And I will be just fine too.  My little family will soldier on through the trials of babyhood and we will survive intact.  Just gotta keep everything in perspective.      

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