Christmas Vacation RULES.

Dude. I seriously love not having to work. This is amazing. I have been able to work out. I have played with AwesomeKid a ton - we've gone on walks, gone to the park, played chase around the house, visited Grandma and Grandpa... It is awesome. I kind of want to become a stay at home mom and spend all days like this. I could totally sign up for various baby and mommy activities that are only offered during working hours. Maybe I could start scrap booking or something crafty like that. I know eventually the novelty would wear off and it would get grueling and all, but damn this is fun right now. Too bad we need health insurance, shelter, and food. And the iPhones. I don't think our family could survive without the iPhones.

We did Christmas in the country with the in-laws this past weekend, which means AwesomeKid got to play in the hugest yard she has ever seen and walk through thousands of crackly leaves. Also, there were cows, so she go to practice saying "moo", which was very impressive to the extended family.

Christmas is now all about AwesomeKid. BestHusbandEver and I are chopped liver. No more super cool gifts for us. We live vicariously through AwesomeKid. This is not a bad thing, but we both agree that it contributes to our general sense of feeling OLD. Alas. Persevere we shall.

The Prodigal Yogini and the Yoga Podcasts

Last night, I practiced yoga for the first time in probably a month.  Getting to a studio is just not working for me lately (and by lately, I mean since the birth of AwesomestKidEver, which means almost a year).  I don't want to go on weekdays because 1) I want to spent time with my baby; and 2) BestHusbandEver does not get home from his work in time for me to make it to a class without having to hire a babysitter (which is a lot harder to do than most people would have you think.  It is hard to find people interested in watching a baby, no matter how many offers they made when you were pregnant). Last night I finally admitted to myself that I'm just going to have to commit to a (eek!) home practice.  The only time I can find to practice is late at night, so that is when I will practice. 

Sometimes I really enjoy creating my own sequences, but right now I need guides, since I'm out of practice.  For the past year or so I've been trying out various yogi podcasts, trying to use them as a supplement to studio classes.  I've tried out a whole bunch, but most I've discarded because they sucked were intended for newbies or because they were hard to understand.  I have found two that I'm planning to use a bunch as part of my official home practice that I am officially reestablishing as of last night.    

First up - Faith Hunter's All the Way LIVE.  Faith's style is really similar to that of the studio I used to practice at before Baby came along and changed up my schedule.  A lot of yoga podcasts and DVDs are so BASIC, and the ones that are actually challenging tend to be overly focused on the physical aspects of yoga, rather than the integration of mind, body, and spirit that I prefer in my yoga practice.  Faith is really easy to understand if you know yoga, so you can follow along even though most of her casts are not video.  Also, she's got a ton of episodes on her feed, mostly 90 minute classes, but a few that are like an hour.  That's nice for me, because I practice after AwesomestKidEver goes to sleep, and 90 minutes isn't always practical at 9 o'clock at night.  

The second super skilled teacher I've found on iTunes is Dave Farmar.  His classes are pretty challenging, and his energy is great.  He records his classes in all kinds of different locations, and I really enjoy his descriptions of the local colors of wherever he is.  He also has a number of hour-ish casts in addition to many 90 minute ones.  

So, that is the plan.  Faith and Dave will guide me through the amazing power of the internet, I will regain my yogini centered zen-like state, and all will be well with the world.  Eventually, I should be able to return to creating my own sequences, and I might even get my Scorpion pose back on one of these days.  

 

Namaste, y'all.  

This is why he's the best husband ever

Look at this awesomeness.

Best bedtime surprise ever.  Ok, maybe not EVER.  But best G-rated bedtime surprise.  Definitely.  

Sunday is Funday

Cygnets at the Park
Little balls of fluff
Staying close to mom and dad
A family of swans

Nerdy Family
When baby fusses
Let her play Xbox with you
Gaming together

Dinner Tonight
Spinich lasagna
Cheesey baked melted goodness
Winter comfort food

Scattered emotions...

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be entirely emotionally stable again.  I was a WRECK throughout my pregnancy - used to cry all the time, was mean to pretty much any moving target, and at the same time felt a whole lot of tenderness at times.  Then there was this amazing post baby euphoria and the feeling of complete transformation - like a butterfly or something.  I remember going outside for the first time after giving birth and it was like this new new thing I'd never done before.  And now, I feel like I'm mostly normal, but then I get days like today where I'm tearing up as I pump in the bathroom wishing I could just go home and be with my baby. Is that just parenthood?  Is that just how I am now?

Sometimes it feels like I've lost something that I used to have.  I really miss the gym.  It used to be my me time.  I really miss going to yoga three times a week.  I miss singing in the Opera Chorus.  It's hard to give up things.  I've transformed the gym into working out at home or running.  It's not the same, but it's close and it's easier than driving across town.  I keep telling myself I can practice yoga at home, but it's harder.  I found a local chorus that is actually more musically fulfilling than the Opera Chorus, that only meets once a week at a more convenient time. 


It's hard to stay in the present.  I worry about the future.  I mourn what I've lost.  But when I can get out of my way and just BE in the moment, there is such joy possible... and contentment and calm.  Seeing V in her undeveloped pure id stage of life is amazing.  


I'm living in my head more than I have in years.  The complete transformation of my body followed by the lack of time for physical activity has taken its toll.  I think if I actually recommit to a yoga practice at home it'll help.  And if I can just get these emotions out of my head, on paper, on the internet, out loud...  

Empty Chairs at Empty Tables

I want to be one of the students in Les Miserables (the musical, not the crappy movie or the epic but fabulous novel).  Specifically, I want to be one of the students from Act I, before the fighting and death and all that.  They sit around at a bar for infinite amounts of time, discussing politics and being idealistic, occasionally breaking into song. They evidently don't need to work, because they have nicer costumes than the rest of the cast, but they don't do anything besides drink and make plans for overthrowing the government.

I don't want to overthrow the government or anything violent, but sitting around making plans and drinking cheap wine sounds like a nice way to live life sometimes.  Plus, being a perpetual student is totally something I could live with.  

Recycling Rant

When people come visit our house, they are really perplexed by the recycling bins.  It's not hard.  Like goes with like.  Paper goes in one bin.  Cardboard in another.  Plastic and aluminum in the one outside.  They don't recycle glass around here any more, so that has to either get washed out for a reuse or you throw it away.  Every time, I wind up having to pick through our bins, rearrange, and throw out non-recyclables.  One of the worst mistakes people make is putting used paper towels or paper plates (with the food still on them - gross!) in the paper bin.  Our recycling company won't take that stuff.

The reason that people have issues with this is THEY DON'T RECYCLE!!!!! It's 2010 and most of my area DOESN'T RECYCLE!!!!  We pay a private company, but it's only $20 a month.  Times are tough and all, whatever, but seriously! It's $20 a month.  

Family members who visit act like this is some cute hobby of mine, recycling.  They say things like "You're so good!" about our recycling.  We don't recycle to make ourselves feel good.  We recycle because it's the right thing to do.  Who wants more landfills?  Who wants more stuff just hanging around taking up space?  Why the hell not recycle?  Answer: Laziness and not giving a crap.  Boo on those people.  

And if you live in the NOLA area: Phoenix Recycling

Perspective

I think I have problems, but I don't.  Not really.  I get frustrated with my job, but I think I'd get frustrated if I had morphed into a stay at home mom after the birth of V.  I get frustrated about not having as much time to exercise or do yoga, but I am capable of making time at least a few days a week.  And seriously, those are my most pressing issues.  Other problems (The house is so so dirty! I'm so sleepy! Baby's bedtime routine cuts into possible fun evening nights out!)...  These are temporary and really not that big of a deal in the long run.

I'm really lucky actually.  I've got a beautiful family.  My husband and I fit together so well, and V is just a new extension of that amazing dynamic we have.  We don't have to stress about bills or affording good food.  We have no worries about the current mortgage crisis because we rent.  I might not have my neat little four pack abs anymore, but I'm back in the pre-pregnancy clothes and I'm pretty damn healthy, in my opinion.  

The hard times - when it seems like I really do have huge, enormous problems are at work, when it's a bad day (high school students really can be assholes sometimes), and I just think about my baby's face and I get that tightened throat feeling and the tears start to prick my eyes...  I remind myself that I CHOSE this, this working mom thing, because we did discuss it, the possibility of me staying home.  Before she was born, it seemed so logical - we like to live a certain way, and money helps with that.  Jumping back into the workforce after a few years would be hard.  There are only so many choral music positions available in our area, and I've got a pretty posh set up.  Now that I'm doing it, I miss my baby all day.  I never thought it would be so hard.

But then again, perspective.  I've had two students tell me what's going on their lives this week.  Deaths, family members who are alcoholics and addicts, and absent parents that have left them feeling abandoned...  I don't have it so bad.  My baby will be just fine in the arms of a loving daycare worker that she knows and trusts.  And I will be just fine too.  My little family will soldier on through the trials of babyhood and we will survive intact.  Just gotta keep everything in perspective.      

Doing my part to end the great recession

I went to Whole Foods today and the impulse buying thing struck me.  Whole Foods is the best place for this, 'cuz you can wind up with wacko stuff like...

Yeah.  I'm like, coconut water is supposed to be all trendy right now.  I should see what it's all about... Oh look at that one, it has lime in it.  I bet it'll taste kind of like a pina colada, only juicier (??? - I swear that really was my thought process).  Fail for me.  It was like sugar with overpowering lime flavor and this vague wannabe coconut milk thing in the background.  Yucky.  At least the can was recyclable. 

Impulse buy of the day #2: 

 This looked very promising.  Especially the 70% cacao bit.  Love love love dark chocolate.  But then, as I unwrap it to indulge, I notice this: 

Vegan chocolate?  

Skeptical.  That is how I felt about vegan chocolate.  How do I feel now? After the bar is in my belly?  I like the combo of fig, fennel, almond, and super dark chocolate very very much.  But the texture was... not yummy melting in my mouth indulgent mouthgasm inducing creaminess.  It was just kind of crunchy.  And I prefer yummy melting in my mouth indulgent mouthgasm inducing creaminess when I eat chocolate.  

So I'd say the impulse buys this week were one fail and one ok-ish.  Gotta keep those impulse buys comin' though.  Otherwise, my money would stay in my pocket, and that won't help us out of this recession at all.     

Pumpin'

It's month 8 of new parenthood.  That means like month 6 of breast pumping.

The inconspicuous pumpin' bag, disguised as super huge purse.   

Morning starts with the rush to get to work, because I always sleep late - a side effect of co-sleeping, I think.  Babies are so freaking snuggly.  Get to school and in the 15 minute window between morning duty and my first class of the day, I sit in the faculty restroom and pump.  I wonder if the kids notice that I disappear into the bathroom next to their lockers for an inordinate amount of time every single day.  They are in junior high, which means they are a bit spacey and self involved, but then again I kind of remember discussing and speculating about my teachers ad nauseum when I was that age.  I don't think they can hear the strange rhythmic pulsing sound coming from the bathroom...

Paper towels on the ground in an attempt to be sanitary.

I emerge, boobs noticeably diminished in size, and a try to be discreet, making small talk with the random faculty sitting in the faculty lounge, deposit the precious cargo in the faculty fridge, and rush to my classroom.  Repeat the process for lunch, although sometimes if there's more time I vary it up and head to the backstage of the school's theater, where I lean with my back to the non-locking door and hope no student randomly tries to come in.

Carpet rather than bathroom tile in the theater! Yay!

I love my baby, and I love breastfeeding.  For real.  It came easy for us, and it's this amazing bonding experience.  Plus, it is sooooooo much easier at night.  Even though the precious one still wakes me up multiple times every night, I just roll to her and give her the tit.  And back to sleep she goes.  Minimal fuss.

I really hate pumping, though.  It isolates me from my fellow faculty because I can't eat lunch with them.  It ensures that I am not available to tutor students before school, at lunch, or after school.  And it just plain sucks.  Breastfeeding is such a primal, earth mama thing, and pumping is mechanized and just feels wrong...  Plus, sitting on the bathroom floor is nasty.

So, when I'm sitting there pumping, I'm googling things about weaning on the iPhone and crossing my fingers that I won't have a kid who wants to breastfeed forever.  But when I'm home, the kid and I are linked by this desire to nurse and I know I'll probably cry the day she actually rejects the boob.  So many different emotions, so many different directions to be pulled as a new parent...